Today I happened across an old email to my boss.

I’d been a part-timer for two years before I was hired full-time. If memory serves, my boss sent me a note asking whether there was anything he could do to help me settle into my new job.

Here’s the message I sent back. I thought it might be worth a chuckle or two, in spite of the inside jokes.

Top 10 12 grievances for the week of November 12 – 16, 2007

1. My chair has too many knobs. When I tried to adjust the height, the backrest fell off. Then, the seat tilted forward and one of the legs rolled away. But the damned chair is still so far off the ground that Matt has to give me a leg up.

2. The pasta in the cafeteria is mushy, and the portions are too small. Also, it contains wheat. Wheat gives me hives.

3. When I’m late to work all the good parking spots are taken.

4. Someone put an orange inventory sticker on my laptop. I hate orange.

5. Writing about life insurance makes me think about death.

6. Five years ago I was much happier.

7. Sometimes when I’m typing I hit the wrong key. Can I get a new keyboard?

8. Other people talk. I find this insulting and distracting.

9. My cubicle smells faintly of vinegar and cabbage.

10. Why doesn’t our dental plan cover Lasik?

11. I’ve not yet seen a new org chart. This makes me blind with rage.

12. My screen is covered with nose smudges. Will someone be by to clean it? While they’re at it, can you also ask them to bring me a new chair and remove that hideous eyesore of an orange sticker? And drop off some Benadryl hive cream?

That’s all I ask.

I never did get any Benadryl. And on that note … happy Friday!