The wit and wisdom of Charlie Sheen

It’s been a long day and I have nothing left, so I hope my three readers will forgive a bit of news aggregation instead of my usual rambling examination of life.

There’s a ton going on in the news, of course: New Zealand is dealing with the aftermath of a devastating earthquake and a Dutch family has been rescued from Somali pirates.

But for reasons I can’t explain, it was a blog post about Charlie Sheen that most captured my attention. In his CBS Houston blog, John P. Lopez reframes some of Charlie Sheen’s recent quotes in the context of a job interview:

Let’s say you were an employer, looking to add to your sales staff. … Here are some typical job interview questions and REAL Charlie Sheen answers.

Admit it, you’d hire the guy if you didn’t know any better:

What is your greatest strength?

“I’m bi-winning. I win here. I win there.”

Describe a typical work week.

”I’m proud of what I created. It was radical. I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they’re never going to see in their boring normal lives.”

How many hours do you normally work?

“Sometimes sleep is for infants. I don’t sleep. I wait. When I can’t sleep I don’t fight it. I just figure that there’s a higher calling.”

What is your greatest weakness?

I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen!’ It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

How would you describe yourself?

“I’m a high priest vatican assassin warlock. I don’t know. All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master.”

How would you describe the pace at which you work?

When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it’s like, get with the program dude.”

What motivates you?

“I’ve been the aw-shucks guy with this bitchin’ rockstar life, so now I’m going to completely embrace it. I’m going to wrap both arms around it and love it violently, and defend it violently, through violent hatred.”

What are your salary expectations?

“I’m not [broke] but I was kind of counting on some of that money to get me through the summer. Now I’ve got to like work. But that’s alright. Work’s good. Work fuels the soul.”

Tell me about yourself.

I am a peaceful man with bad intentions

What do people most often criticize about you?

“You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can’t handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm.

Well, no, Mr. Lopez, I don’t think I’d hire Charlie Sheen. My office already has too many high priest vatican assassin warlocks with tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

Wow.

But as amusing (and oddly disturbing) as Lopez’ post may have been, I thought The Guardian‘s take was downright inspired: “Charlie Sheen vs. Muammar Gaddafi: Who said it?”

Think you can distinguish between a raving lunatic dictator and a booze-and-prostitute-addled b-list actor? Take the quiz and find out.

 

10 comments

    • I’m glad you liked it … and I’ll try to keep the content coming. (Hope you do the same.) Thanks so much for commenting!

  1. I am a big fan of Charlie Sheen. I think that we all have ups and downs and the media just over does it 90% of the time. Lets name all the good movies Charlie has, lets talk about how great of an Actor he really is. He is a human just like all of us. Great blog.

    • Thanks for your thoughts on Charlie Sheen, postadaychallenge2011. You’re right: We all have our ups and downs, and he’s made some good movies. And you’re right to remind me that he’s human just like the rest of us. I appreciate the thought-provoking perspective. Thanks so much for your comment!

  2. My husband and I saw his interview on 20/20 the other night, it was literally the ONLY thing on, and we were mesmerized. With love. I never knew how completely bonkers Charlie Sheen is while at the same time being completely above and beyond the rest of us. He is on an entirely different level and he is the king there, never mind the rest of us here on Earth. He is very cool, embracing himself better than anyone I know. We may think he’s lost his marbles, but who’s to say we’re the sane normal ones? Society doesn’t know jack squat I never measure things by their rules. In my mind Sheen is one of the smartest man alive. Great post, thanks, I liked reading over his hilarious answers especially the ones I missed the first time around 🙂

    • You’re right that he’s on a completely different level … and I agree with you that he’s brilliant in his own way. I think that’s why I was drawn to his interview responses: They’re poetry. A little weird and nonsensical, but poetry nonetheless. Thanks for your comment! 🙂

  3. Hey Chickita ! It’s me, you’re 5th reader. LOL, it’s lonely in blog land at first. But hey, look at you now! So, I was craving me some Heidi, and cruised on over. Category ‘Weird News’ caught my eye and next thing I knew, I was time warped back to 2011. Oh snap, he really was a mess wasn’t he? Maybe he still is, I don’t watch any entertainment news or visit those sites on the net and he apparently not in to scrapbooking . Bahhaha. He should try it though, it can be theraputic at times.
    Anywho, just choking on Wildfire smoke for the 10th day in a row here and thought I’d say hello. xo Toodles x K

    • OMG. HAHAHAHAAAA! I think you literally *are* the fifth person to read this post (including me), and definitely the funniest. Well, your curiosity got the best of me and I googled Charlie Sheen. And you’re right! He should definitely try scrapbooking, because this business of selling emojis of himself is just sad. But not nearly as sad as those horrible wildfires! I hope the winds have changed direction by now so you can at least catch a breath or two of fresh air. Well … sending a big hug your way, dear fifth reader. xo

      • oh BTW, I took the test… 4/10…I guess neither will be on my ‘must invite for dinner’ list 😀 LOL Thanks for that big hug and concern about these fires. I was happy for clear air today, but I guess it meant someone else had to choke it down. I thought I’d never utter these words but, “bring on winter”…good grief !

Leave a reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s