What a difference an A makes

“With lots of lice, XO”

That’s the sweet sentiment my iPhone sent my friend Jim a couple of weeks ago, in its infinite autocorrect wisdom. (Because nothing says “love ya, buddy!” like the gift of lice.)

And just yesterday my phone inserted “leper” into an email I was writing my sister. (Don’t worry, sis — I’m sure the leg will grow back!)

I felt fortunate to vanquish Mycobactenium leprae with a quick swipe of the finger. But still, I found myself wondering how many unintentionally offensive messages I’ve sent over the past two years.

That’s the thing about technology: It’s a double-edged sword. Sometimes it can make us smarter. And sometimes it can make us sound really, really dumb.

Naturally, I was curious about whether other people have had this problem as well. It didn’t take long to find the answer. (Warning: Most of the alleged fails on damnyouautocorrect are pretty vulgar.)

So what’s a gal (or guy) to do? Well … I suppose you can install an application that autocorrects your autocorrect. Or, you can follow my example and just turn the damned thing off.

Either way, good luck. Mack with bore tomorrow!


    • I’m hoarse from laughing so hard!! Too bad so many of the “fails” aren’t appropriate for my PG-13 blog. (My nieces and nephews read this, dontcha know). LMAO!! 🙂

  1. I would have to agree with you on the auto correct issue, its sucks big time. To me technology has gotten way out of hand. I must say the mistakes are very funny to read tho lol

    • I’m with ya — both on the “technology has gotten way too out of hand,” and on the “lol.” It’s funny when it happens to other people, isn’t it? 😉

  2. I learned how to turn off the autocorrect feature off within the first week. I do have to say that I thoroughly enjoy that website as well. Always a good laugh.

    • I feel a little stupid admitting that I didn’t know it *could* be turned off, until pretty recently. I think my colleague Andrew should be beatified or knighted (or something) for showing me otherwise. And I’m with you on that website: it always delivers when I’m in the mood for a good llama. I mean LMAO. Thanks for reading!

  3. I had to laugh at this. I’ve got an iPod Touch, so no text messaging, and I usually re-read my emails, so (luckely) this has never happened to me.

    • No text messaging? You probably have two more hours of time each day than I do. Plus, as you point out, you’re much less likely to embarrass yourself and end up on some website. 🙂

  4. Ahh, I should have known you’d love this site too! Yet again you have me crying with laughter – and I love the title of this post! You’ve got to feel sorry for the poor crimson-faced guy who told a girl he ‘loves her jugs’ after the FIRST date, FGS. And isn’t it a little worrying that a phone assumes you can buy death lasers at the supermarket? I mean, Skynet was fiction…wasn’t it…?!

    You are the best cheerer-upper I know! 🙂

    • Aw, DB: right back at ya on being the best cheerer-upper. (Grin.)

      As for buying death-ray laser guns at the grocer’s … our gun laws in the States are a bit more lax than those of Bonnie Scotland, so it’s not at all farfetched that autocorrect would make that assumption. Ha.

  5. Seriously, just took a look at damnyouautocorrect again and my ribs are hurting now. Great therapy, thanks for leading me to it! Reminds me of the example you sent me the other day. Need to go and splash my face now to sober up 😉

    • Always happy to make your ribs hurt. 🙂

      Would you believe that I’m *still* having spontaneous fits of laughter over that unfortunate Freudian slip the other day?! My poor … well, you know … hasn’t been the same … since I washed it. *SNORK*!!

        • Ah, yes … So mature! It’s a good thing we didn’t go to school together — we would have spent every afteroon in the headmaster’s office. *Snort!*

  6. Hillarious !!!!!!
    The other word-related technology I struggle with is Google Translate. I have a Flickr contact in Japan who sends me beautifully arcane comments on my photos. Here’s an example of a comment on a shot of a homeless man and his dog: “I grieve with strictness” which he went on to clarify in a subsequent comment: “The human being makes a thing poorness (ignored). I feel deplorable.” And I thought reading Joyce was a challenge 🙂

    • Thanks for almost making wine come out my nose, XpatScott! I share your amusement (and bemusement!) with Google Translate — and Babelfish. Sometimes they seem to translate word-for-word; other times, they don’t work at all. In the mood for a few more laughs? Check out http://www.engrish.com/
      Cheerio to my favorite Scot Aussie!

      • I once saw and sign outside a Chinese Laundry in Manila that read: INSTANT LAUNDRY, WHILE YOU WAIT. And another sign in Hong Kong advertising the MAN PONG CHEMICAL CO. I’m not sure if the chemicals were designed to cure the pong or had caused it in the first place. But my favourite was not so much a translation error as an admission of failure. The organisation concerned was the Australian Society of Clairvoyants, and the name was emblazened in bright gold letters on the front door of their premises; just above the peephole!! 🙂

        • Love your story about the clairvoyants’ peephole, especially. Reminds me of a fortune-teller who offered to read my palm for $20. If she’d been the real deal, she would have known that I had only $10 plus change. Ha.

  7. That website gets me going every. single. time. Absolutely love DYAC, and thankfully haven’t had any tragic autocorrects yet, although I wouldn’t be averse to being a part of the hilarity!

    • You’re a better sport than I am, Katy! Though I suppose there is something to be said for making people laugh, however unintentionally …. 🙂

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