I bought it on eBay

It would be hard to estimate how much money I’ve wasted on eBay.

Most of my mistakes have been minor, thank goodness. Others—a Coach purse, some Timberland boots, and a handful of cameras—I’ve been able to resell.

But a couple of my eBay purchases have been so hideous that the only appropriate response was to throw them away.

I’ll spare you sordid story about the ill-fitting Speedo triathlon suit (except to say that donning it involved copious amounts of BodyGlide, and removing it required the help of at least two able-bodied adults).

Then there’s the tale of the espadrilles.

They weren’t exactly my style, but they looked cute enough in the photo. Plus, they were only $8.99, and I did need some brown shoes for work, and it wouldn’t kill me to look a bit more feminine, and …

Anyway, I was thrilled when my new shoes arrived. They fit perfectly and—joy of all joys—they made my feet look tiny. I pranced around the living room for a minute or two, delighting in my newfound girliness.

But when I wore them to work the next day I discovered a horrible, horrible flaw: If I walked more than a few steps or strode with any sense of purpose, well … see for yourself.

My colleagues and I had a few good laughs over my fashion “faux paw.” Then I went home to change into something a bit more, um, sensible.

In hindsight I wish I’d hung onto the shoes, if only for the occasional laugh. But at least I still have the photo—and the comfort of knowing that it’s just a matter of time before some pink velour monstrosity shows up on my doorstep.

As Weird Al would say, “I bought it on eBay.”


    • I *refuse* to stamp “chump” on a fellow eBayer’s forehead. We can’t help ourselves, right? Sometimes the prices are irresistible. And other times, the item photos are … well … irresistible! I’ve finally accepted the fact that I’m going to end up buying some stupid stuff every now and then. But if I can get a good laugh out of it (and if I don’t spend much), it’s totally worth it. Thanks for reading!

    • You’re right about my not being a pink velour type — but it’s not entirely out of the question! I have a history of making late-night, ill-advised impulse purchases. Sometimes they’ve panned out (like the 100% angora coat I wear every day, all winter). And sometimes they’ve been crushing disappointments (like the evening gown that unfortunately left half my torso totally exposed). But I suppose a gal could have worse habits than shopping on eBay …

  1. Whoa, this is the first time I’ve seen toes rearranged this way in sandals. Ebay has some good things on sale, but beware if the one-size-fits-all cliche isn’t known.

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