HBlog has been quiet for a while, and with good reason: My husband Esteban and I have been traveling for the past month. I began keeping a diary of sorts in the weeks leading up to our trip. Here’s the second entry — with many more to come.

Three weeks from today Esteban and I leave for Europe. With this milestone, of course, comes the realization that I. Must. Pack. Now!

Here are the parameters:
1. We’ll be gone four weeks.
2. I’m prone to rashes.
3. We’ll be visiting 12 cities. Or maybe 50.
4. We must pack light — and travel light (see #3).

If you glossed over #2, I don’t blame you. I’d rather not think about rashes either. But because I turn baboon-butt red if I use the wrong shampoo, I think about rashes a lot.

Anyway, my challenge was how to bring four weeks’ worth of toiletries without devoting my entire suitcase to plastic bottles. “If only they made collapsible shampoo bottles,” I thought to myself, “like those Platypus bags Esteban and I use for camping.”

A life-sucking rabbit-hole of Internet searches later, I’d found the solution: “Boobie Bags Soft Floppy Flasks.” Yes, you read that right.

I’m sorry to report that I’m apparently not *ahem* “configured” enough to conceal a fifth of gin in my bra. And also, Google now thinks I’m an alcoholic (thank you for recommending rehab!). But on the plus side — and thanks to a comically tiny funnel — I can now pack my favorite non-rash-inducing toiletries.

Esteban is less enthusiastic, however. “Security will think it’s a bomb,” he said, “and they’ll just confiscate everything.” I added the labels from the bottles, just in case, but he remained unimpressed.

“They’ll pop and leak all over your clothes,” Esteban said. See why he’s the unofficial logistics officer? Yeah. Well, hopefully the freezer-weight zippy bag will hold.

And if not, you’ll soon be hearing from a woman with a red, scaly face and purple clothes.

Three weeks … and counting.

Postscript: The Boobie Bags Soft Floppy Flasks worked flawlessly. I still got a rash — but that’s another story for another day. Up next? Beautiful Bruges.