As a reader of HeideBlog, you understand that the posts may contain statements of opinion, and you agree to not hold HeideBlog or its writer(s) responsible for any hurt feelings, depression or irrational anger you may incur as a result of reading this blog. (See crybaby clause, below.) By reading HeideBlog, you agree that you are here of your own volition, and that you are solely responsible for any thoughts or actions you may have as a direct consequence of reading HeideBlog. (See limits of liability, below.) Further, you agree to hold HeideBlog harmless for any damage or injuries, perceived or otherwise, you may incur as a result of reading this blog. Finally, you agree that you have read and understood the disclosures below, and you agree that they are in effect retroactively to the inception of HeideBlog.

As a reader of HeideBlog you also enjoy certain rights. See the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) statement for more information about how HeideBlog respects your privacy.

Attempted humor: Some of the posts on HeideBlog are tagged “attempted humor,” but HeideBlog makes no warranty, either express or implied, that these posts will actually be funny. HeideBlog cannot be held responsible if readers fail to laugh while reading one of these posts. Likewise, HeideBlog cannot be held responsible for any harm, physical or otherwise, that may result from laughing too hard (including, but not limited to, food items being ejected through the nose).

Attribution: It is HeideBlog’s policy to give proper attribution to others’ intellectual property when it is quoted, embedded or linked to, unless it is impossible to determine the original author of a particular work (e.g., a video that multiplies like rabbits on YouTube).

Comments (part one): HeideBlog supports the right to free speech. Nevertheless, HeideBlog reserves the right to not approve — or to remove — comments that are deemed offensive, abusive, or spammy.

Comments (part two): HeideBlog cannot be held responsible or liable for anything that some nutcase says via the blog comments, nor can HeideBlog be responsible for any laws those comments may break (both in the U.S. and abroad) through their content, implication, or intent.

Content validity and accuracy: While HeideBlog makes every effort to verify the accuracy of its posts, Heide is a lousy typist and sometimes mapes regrettagle nistakes.

HeideBlog does its utmost to blog based on the latest information. But because new information is always becoming available (or being fabricated), it’s likely that some of HeideBlog’s posts will seem comically outdated. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Copyright: All posts on HeideBlog are copyrighted as of the date posted and may not be copied, reposted, or otherwise redistributed without giving due credit. The images in HeideBlog are also copyrighted and may not be downloaded, reproduced or redistributed without express written permission. (That means “in writing.”)

Crybaby clause: Don’t agree with something you read on HeideBlog? Walk it off, crybaby!

Disclosure of pay: Heide dreams of the day when someone will subsidize HeideBlog’s content. Until then, HeideBlog does not receive monetary (or any other type of) renumeration for its opinions and/or posts. Occasionally someone may post a comment, but that’s about it. (See comments, above.)

Do no harm: HeideBlog’s intention is simply to comment on life as it happens by providing personal opinions and observations, and does not seek to injure, defame, or libel others. Statements found on HeideBlog should be taken neither as facts nor as absolutes (in other words, with a grain of salt). HeideBlog will not be held responsible if readers suffer loss or injury as a result of HeideBlog’s advice and/or posts. (See limits of expertise and limits of damages, below.)

External links: HeideBlog checks its links at the time of publication, but cannot be responsible for the subsequent accuracy or content of any URL. By clicking on one of HeideBlog’s links, you implicitly agree that you’re man (or woman) enough to deal with whatever you may encounter (e.g., black mold, wildebeests or angry hornets), and you promise to not hold HeideBlog responsible for any emotional, financial, spiritual or physical harm that you may incur as a result. (See limits of damages, below.)

GDPR: HeideBlog’s privacy policy complies with the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) effective May 25, 2018. Please read the full statement for more information about your rights.

International laws: HeideBlog comes in peace. HeideBlog is published under and protected by the laws of the United States and is not responsible for defamatory statements bound to government, religious, or other laws from the reader’s country of origin, and the reader assumes all responsibility for adhering to his or her local laws.

Language: HeideBlog is published in North American English, but reserves the right to use words from other languages. While HeideBlog makes every effort to be linguistically and grammatically correct, nobody is perfect. So if HeideBlog posts a word that happens to be naughty in Hebrew — or uses a British spelling, or punctuation that is comically ambiguous — HeideBlog cannot be held liable. HeideBlog cannot be held responsible for any injuries caused by split infinitives or dangling participles. Likewise, HeideBlog is not responsible for the accurate translation or interpretation of its content.

Libel and defamation: The opinions voiced on HeideBlog are personal opinions proffered in good faith and are not intended to malign any animal species, religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual (especially those with highly paid, overeager lawyers).

Furthermore, the opinions voiced in HeideBlog are personal views and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any corporation, government entity, religious organization or alien life form.

Limits of expertise: HeideBlog does not offer or claim to offer archaeological, astrological, astronomical, dermatological, financial, grammatical, gynecological, legal, linguistic, medical, neurological, paleontological, philosophical, psychiatric, phrenological, technological, urological, veterinary, or zoological advice. All content posted on HeideBlog is published as a statement of opinion and is not intended to diagnose or cure any disease, especially impetigo.

Limits of liability: HeideBlog cannot be held responsible for any thoughts its readers may have as a direct consequence of reading this blog, nor for any actions they may take.

Limits on damages: Because HeideBlog is (a) a personal opinion blog, (b) published only for entertainment purposes, (c) protected by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, and (d) written with the intent of causing no harm, HeideBlog will not be held liable for financial damages or legal claims. If legal action is brought against HeideBlog, HeideBlog agrees to pay a maximum of $1 in legal costs and damages (including punitive damages).

Rodent incursion: HeideBlog cannot be held responsible or liable if your home is infested by rodents of any size while you are reading HeideBlog.